i find it very difficult to function online.
but then again i also fine it rather difficult to function offline.
it's the to be or not to be of our time.
tomorrow is my first day of the fall semester.
I never got to go to college, but the opportunity has arisen now at 36. I jumped at the chance of doing the thing i’d wanted to do 20 years ago, and now I wonder if I jumped because of a dream from forever ago without thinking about if i’d even be good at it or how hard it might be. just a belief that I could do the one thing that made me feel capable 20 years ago.
also, it’s like I can feel the change this is bringing me as it’s going to enable me to be everything I never thought i’d be able to be. which…is a weird mindfuck when you’ve gone 20 years not even thinking to dream that this would ever be possible and doing what I can to make the most out of a difficult situation. (or, many difficult situations.)
anyway. this is more so notes for me to be able to journal about this later
in psych class today our professor asked if any of us consider ourselves optimists. no one raised their hand but the girl who sits next to me that i’ve known less than two weeks pointed at me.
professor laughed it off as I was “being outed as an optimist”
I laughed because no one has a clue how depressed I am at this very moment
and that is case and point on how looks can be deceiving and why I roll my eyes any time anyone says “but they seemed to happy!” or any derivative thereof.
yall life is a lot.
*covered in blood & in visible distress* i just need to write a list
really feel like social media has hit a point where we’re reflecting back on the beginnings with bygone nostalgia, all soon to be distancing and/or leaving, and in time we’ll see some sort of a resurgence of kids trying to recreate what we used to have, not realizing the dystopian hell hole we’re heading into.
what a weird time to be alive
starshipranger7